Tuesday, April 10, 2007
 | So..... I live in Portland. I have now for about a year and a half. If you don't know.... it rains a lot in Portland. It took some getting used to after the sunny disposition of the high desert, but it's cool, I can deal with it. Lately the weather has been unpredictable, due no doubt to the springtimeyness in the air. Which is awesome... I love the smell of a nice spring shower. I mean like rain kind of shower... not like me naked in the bathroom kind of shower. Although with the right soap that can be a great smell too. Lately the springtime rain has been coming sporadically and rapidly. We've had several beautiful days which at a moment's notice have begun pouring rain upon us for a few minutes... and then reverted again to gorgeous days... or not, and stayed gloomy all day. I know that's it's lame to talk about the weather... but this is going somewhere, so bear with me. Today I wasn't sure what was going to happen... but the day didn't start out with lots of sunshine and happiness. It wasn't hideous... but it wasn't amazing either. However, at lunchtime the sun had shown it's happy face, and while it wasn't as warm as it was last week, it was still nice out. I was like "aaahhhh." That was a relaxed, contented, relieved "aaahhh" not an in awe "aahhhh" or a frightened "aaahhh," just so you know. When I got home from work it was still nice out. So here's the fun part. I had a couple of errands to run, namely to Fred Meyer and the bank.... which is in Fred Meyer, so the "couple of errands" consisted of.... going to Fred Meyer. Is it "Fred Meyer" or "Fred Meyer's?" If you were a dude and you decided to name a store after yourself... which would you choose? Or if you were a girl? If I named a store after myself.... that would be stupid. Anyway... the fun part: Since it was nice out, I happily chose to ride my longboard (skateboard, not surfboard.... it rains a lot here but not that much) to Fred Meyer('s). As I left the house... the thought ran through my mind that maybe I should consider that it might rain spontaneously again... and dismissed it... like an idiot. If you don't know anything about skating, or longboarding... then you should know this: Riding on wet roads or in the rain is generally not advisable. Both for the health of you and for the health of your equipment. Water makes things rust, and makes things slick........... and when you suck like me, it's not good for things to be slick. They make you fall down. My first experience with this was this one time when the roads were wet and I thought "Hmmmm.... I wonder just how much slicker they are?" One seriously bruised hip and shoulder later, the answer was "quite a lot slicker." But this was no concern, since it was nice out. So I rode my longboard. Had a nice little ride to the store without negative event. Had to avoid a couple of day-old puddles, but that's to be expected. I got there, and did my business. Not like "I went to the bathroom" kind of business... or like "I just created a multi-million dollar company and now I go to the bathroom and there's cash on the toilet paper roll" kind of business.... like "I went to the bank and did some shopping" kind of business. I picked up some ritz crackers and some spaghetti noodles and sauce. Yes that is what grocery shopping in my world is like. Mostly I wander around for 20 minutes feeling confused. Today was a good day. I walked up to the U-scan device.... both the most ingenious and the most rediculous invention to ever grace the days of retail establishments. There were quite a few people at the store when I was there, so I was obliged to wait in line for a few minutes for an available u-scan device. I stood there, content, spaghetti and ritz crackers in one hand and longboard in the other. I don't ride my longboard inside Fred Meyer('s) because I don't want to get kicked out. It would be fun though. Then I was next in line. One of the u-scan devices was not operation and was closed. The other five were operational, and occupied. Now... it's not uncommon for me to go "space-cadet" once in a while, so when people treat me like I've gone "space-cadet" I usually believe them. I didn't think I'd gone space-cadet but you never realize it when it's happening. A moment later the gentleman behind me.... I'm not sure if he was a homeless dude or a biker dude.... informed me in his oh-so-gruff voice that a u-scan device was available, as he motioned towards the closed one. I replied "uhh... I think that one's closed" and he corrected my gaze to the one next to it, which no longer had anyone standing in front of it. Thinking I had gone space-cadet, I snapped into action with an apology and made my way to the "available" u-scan device. As I did, the girl at the one next to it (the other side... not the closed one), who I'm pretty sure was a tweaker, smiled at me, in response to which I mumbled something about being "clueless as usual." I turned my gaze to the u-scan device, which displayed a phrase in large letters across the screen: "PLEASE WAIT." I was like "ok," figuring that it needed a second to recover from the previous transaction. I stood uncomfortably staring at the screen, painfully aware of the glances and subtle smiles the tweaker girl was throwing in my direction, as well as of my own awkwardness. But I played it cool... keeping my stance just slouched enough to be "cool" and just pigeontoed enough to be "punk rock." I stood. The screen still screamed at me to "PLEASE WAIT." An eternity passed. I looked up to the u-scan device operator to ask her how much longer I needed to wait, and she was occupied helping some people with a large array of large plants. I figured I'd catch her when she was available, and returned my gaze to the screen. I stood. I think tweaker girl was batting her eyes at me but I was being careful not to look directly at her, so I can't be sure. A moment later..... the lady with the plants walked up to the u-scan device I was staring at..... and I quote her: "excuse me I just need to finish up here." ....... HAH!!!!!!!!! I hadn't gone space-cadet after all! Woooh! However, I still looked like a total jack-ass. I mean like a donkey. A big stupid donkey. Flustered, I mumbled an apology to the lady, to which she responded that she hadn't "known she'd be coming back" but I know she was just trying to make me feel better. I appreciate that, but it didn't work. I backed away... hoping my brain would catch up to me and help me make my awkward situation better. It didn't. I stood for a moment like a deer in the headlights, surrounded by beeping u-scan devices and people who were internally laughing at me. After what was a brief second but didn't feel like it, tweaker-girl pointed across the aisle to another u-scan device which was about to become available, as a hispanic dude was lifting his bags. I mumbled a thank-you and shuffled across towards the imminently available u-scan device.... which was located next to the device that was now being used by homeless biker dude. The fellow just finishing at what was soon to be my u-scan had some momentary trouble with his bags and took a minute longer than initially expected. I apologized to him and told him I wasn't trying to rush him... he looked at me, smiled and nodded. A smile and nod that I know well enough by now to know exactly what it meant: "I have no freaking clue what you're saying to me right now but you're a stupid gringo so I'm going to let it slide." He packed his bags and left me to my new u-scan device. Finally I was checking out. I glanced up to my left just in time to catch tweaker girl throwing me another look and smile, and quickly looked past her like I was looking at something much more important. I returned my attention to my u-scan and completed my transaction. Sweet. Now we're in business. Shopping bag in one hand, longboard in the other, I made my way out the door, making sure to give tweaker girl time to get away without seeing me again. As I exited Fred Meyer('s) I was met with a new challenge.... ...... It was pouring down rain. Like, a lot of it. From inside the door I gazed out into it for a minute.... and decided I didn't care. Throwing my board in front of me and leaping onto it, I peeled my shirt off..... deciding that "if I'm gonna be hardcore then I'm really gonna be hardcore." The cold wind and rain whipped at me, and I lit out of there, grateful to leave that place of embarrassment behind me. I cruised through the streets and sidewalks, arriving at a stoplight where I had to wait for a walk signal. I normally don't put too much stock in those but it was a freeway interchange so I consider it a little more dangerous. Thoroughly wet by now, I stood waiting, as a young man on a mountain bike rode up. He was dressed in a bright green windbreaker and a pot-smoker beanie (if you don't know what that is then.... you'll find out someday.) He had a beard. A long, full, untrimmed beard, which was pulled into a ponytail in the front. After a moment of silence, surrounded by the pounding of the rain and the loud hum of traffic, he spake thus: "Dude..... are you tripping?" My reply "Uh no I'm just trying to get home it wasn't raining when I left" "oh" Another moment of silence, and again he spake: "Not that there's anything wrong with tripping, you know what I'm saying?" I made an awkward noise that was halfway between a fake laugh and a "what the hell," like I often do in such situations, and the pedestrian light changed from a little red hand to a little white man. Bearded one took off rapidly on his bike, and I followed... making sure to give him time so I wouldn't catch up with him. I continued on my way, through some more stoplights and back into my neighborhood. I turned off of Glisan on a road that I don't normally take, and gently rode through the rain towards the general direction of my house.... which is down a pretty steep hill. The rain began to subside. The road I was on curved towards my house, coming down the hill from a different direction. I dropped my right foot to the ground, dragging it to keep my speed down. I didn't want to go hurtling around the upcoming corner at full speed on a wet road. That would NOT be good. Things were going smoothly, my speed was in control, conditions were perfect. Aside from the wetness. All of a sudden I realized something: In the wet, it had looked like there was a broken spot in the asphalt, which I could ride out easily. What it turned out to be was a giant, far-stretching chunk of concrete somebody sometime had spilled on the road. I bailed... and managed to stay on my feet. My board hit my ankle at it was painful, but my running motion flipped my board over so it didn't roll away. Then I went home. That was my adventure today. What did I learn? Absolutely nothing. |
