Sorry it's been a while

So what's happening..... the last month as been packed busy, between people visiting, a road trip, work at church and otherwise. I'm trying to learn how to do this thing. The thing being life. Honestly right now I'm over it. The learning being learning how to give it to God rather than taking the yoke upon myself. I really, really, have no room to complain. At a point right now where I'm reevaluating... just about everything of who I am and who He wants me to become. Somebody asked me what my passion was the other day and I couldn't really answer.... because I feel like I don't know anymore. Do I have a heart for youth? Do I care about music? Do I even care about other people? Who am I? The word for this season has been that God is building me, strengthening me. It sucks. I'm not exactly what the leadership of the church was expecting. Or quite what they want. I could get started and go on and on about their issues and why they're wrong and all that, and a lot of would be correct and valid. But it doesn't matter. My part in this season is to stay faithful, and see what God does as a result of it. It's easy to see why people I've met have been jaded by working for the church... church as we know it can be such an institution, and the growth and sustenance of the church has become synonymous with the growth and sustenance of Christ. Ideally they should be the same but unfortunately in a broken world.... keeping a "church" alive and impacting people in the name of Christ can be pretty opposite. Spent a couple of nights at my YWAM base, they're running a DTS now... what did I find? YWAM is great. Absolutely awesome but I'm not a lifer. It's easy to fall into a YWAM arrogance. Easy to think you've seen the way God can really work and church isn't doing it. But however hard the path may be... commitment to the bride of Christ and helping her learn how to serve Him is a pretty noble cause. Harder than doing it the YWAM way for sure. i won't be staying with this church any longer than I'd planned. I don't want to be on the extreme end of a church culture spectrum, I want to fit into one. I'm still pursuing staying here in New Zealand. There's building to be done, also I might see about getting some outdoor education certifications and teaching rock climbing or something. Basically right now I'm slogging through. On the other end I know I'll look back and see something that couldn't have happened otherwise. Pray for me.